In-between and me

“… The fact is that genuine contentment doesn’t come easy. For me, longing to start a family and start “putting down roots” can throw me down quick into a deep, dark hole of discontentment. Losing sleep, pounding my fists against the wall of In-between, turning God-given longings into childish whining – it can weigh me down all at once.

But eventually my fists get sore and I recognize familiar, insidious discontentment.

It seeps through the cracks in your heart, eventually making you unhappy about everything – dirty dishes, hopes, apartments, babies, cars, parties, jobs, carpet—it all gets sucked in and labeled NOT WHAT I WANT.

But by the grace of God, instead of hanging out with my NOT WHAT I WANT label-maker, these days I’m holding tight to a pieced-together, mismatched, fragile hem of hard-fought contentment.”

– from my post On Female Bread-Winners and Hard-Fought Contentment for The Good Women Project

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me last week when this post went up. It meant so much. Unfortunately, that piece contains basically ALL of the wisdom I’ve gained in the past two years, so… expect another one like that from me in another two years! Ha. But really, seeing my work on GWP has encouraged me to keep pushing with my writing.

I realized in early January that somehow, by grace grace grace, I was actually content with where we were in life. It was surprising. I am sorely thankful for these hard-fought lessons learned, and somewhat fearful of losing this fragile contentment. Life very much flows in seasons for me, and this season feels like contentment. Frankly, I’m not going to question it. And, I will have to guard against slipping back into discontentment.

Please remember that God does not want to leave us stuck in distress and confusion. Contentment does come eventually when you seek the Truth, read your emotions instead of putting your trust in them, and press into where the Lord is pulling you. Every in-between time happens for a real reason and will be filled with tiny, daily graces that will carry you through.

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5 Responses to In-between and me

  1. “I am sorely thankful for these hard-fought lessons learned, and somewhat fearful of losing this fragile contentment.”

    I know the same fear, and I love your perspective on it here. So grateful to have found your blog!

  2. So much hard-fought wisdom here, Leslie. Thanks for the RT…the quote, in case you are interested came from a longer post, which I wrote today, “Learning to trust God’s slow work”…fyi in case it might be encouraging to you. Nice to meet you 🙂

  3. oops! I meant to say “favorites” not RT…still learning Twitterese as you can tell 🙂

  4. Thanks for coming by, Dolly! I loved that quote!

  5. Deonna says:

    Thank you so much Leslie for sharing your life learnings here. It’s hard facing reality sometimes but in the end, God comes out more real and much more stronger.

    This encourages me to hang on and not give up on my circumstances. thank you!!! 🙂

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