I felt broken and stained,
tired of discovering my deformities and quickly covering them,
looking over my shoulder to see who noticed.
I was sure that sinking
and surrendering
to that so sure self-hatred was the only place to go.
Discarded that supposed self esteem,
abandoned trust and chose despair,
spent another night in a tight ball under covers that warmed but could never hide.
It took all day, but by noon I woke up.
Woke up to the realization
that surrendering to emptiness was no right surrender at all.
Then right surrender came,
approached quietly but then sweetly enveloped me with hope,
hope that can never stop, can never fade, can never be disproved.
Abandonment can be ended,
There is One who seeks the abandoned, the broken, the used.
Yes, your stains will be seen, but you will be loved while still stained and then washed clean by that love.